June 14, 2015 – Greetings and salutations, Diary Reader! Mom has advised me that I have been remiss in publishing my journal entries of late. This is why I have chosen today, Flag Day, to catch you up on what’s been going on.
We had a brilliant parade to honor Old Glory. Each hen sported a lovely fashion accessory in red, white, and blue to mark the occasion. Some of the hens chose bangles and beads. Others wore scarves and fascinators made of vibrant spring flowers. As for me, I went with a timeless white plastic skimmer with a patriotic band. I ordered them in quantity from the online trading company. Whatever is left over I will save for the Fourth of July. When Dottie, Peaches, Sawyer and I stood together, we looked like a barbershop quartet. Tim appeared dashing in a star-studded bow tie that matched his hat. He looked like President Woodrow Wilson.
The parade was splendid! We banged together pots and pans, hummed into kazoos until they buzzed joyfully (not an easy task with a beak) and clanged our hand bells. The parade route started at the smelly bush and then proceeded up the side yard. We passed under Mom’s office window, circled twice around the duck pool and ended in the chicken run where we reverently raised the flag on the pole that stands behind Coop #2. The bantams took the lead in a patriotic sing-a-long. They may be little, but can they hold a note!
Afterwards, we had a barbecue and sat in our plastic Adirondack chairs watching the chipmunks chase each other through the underbrush. It was a full day, as have all of the days preceding this. This is why I am behind my journalistic duties. To catch you up quickly, I have composed a list of events, accomplishments and sticking points that have occurred over the last week and a half.
- Late last week, Sawyer laid a weak-shelled egg. I climbed into the nest box when she was done. I had barely settled on top of the egg to lay my own masterpiece, when it smashed and broke all over my fluffy white feathers. I am currently covered in dried yolk. Not even a dust bath will remove the stains. “You look like you got too close to a tomcat,” Peaches laughed. I looked down at the dreadful sight. She is right.
- Addie coughed up a mosquito at the water station. It hit Charlotte in the eye and stunk to high heaven. At least it doesn’t look like cat pee.
- We sent four new bottles of craft beer into production at the Happy Chicken Brewing Company. Here they are, just in time for summer: Mother Clucker IPA, Porchlight Roost Lemon Shandy, Mad Hen Whistle Wheat, and my favorite, Bloomin’ Violets Watermelon Cream Ale. I made that one in honor of Violet who loves watermelon. I think we’ll sell out early this season, since we already have orders from the bowling alley, Fat Eddie’s and Vinnie’s by the Sea. Pauline, of Pauline’s Crab Shack and Ballroom Dance Emporium, ordered 50 cases and a dozen jugs of hooch. We’re firing up the moonshine still as soon as the rain passes.
- Mom’s chicken garden is coming along. Plenty of lettuce, corn and Brussels sprouts have shot up, but as yet, not a single hen. (I crack myself up.)
- The town moved our recycling day from Friday to Monday. I don’t care for the new schedule, but I’m making do. I scoured our neighbor’s bin last week and found a brass skeleton key and an empty tuna can. I’ll hold onto the key, but I’m going to pull a prank on the neighbor’s feline with the tuna can. That reminds me. The new night vision goggles I ordered from the Home Shopping Network came in yesterday. I can’t wait to try them out. They have a heat sensor and recording capabilities. If Sawyer will help me drag the ladder out of the shed, I’m going to do a bit of cat spying tomorrow night.
- Henrietta, one of the bantams, received a notice in the mail that she must appear in court for jury duty. We don’t know what that means, but it sure is fun saying “duty” over and over. I told her that I would look it up at the library this week. I could look it up on my iPad, but Emaline borrowed it to send the ducks an email. I think it would be faster if she walked over to their house, but she wants to have documentation. She is lodging a formal complaint against Leisl for snagging the last leaf off the strawberry plant. Eustace ate the last strawberry. Emaline is steamed. She is not fond of the ducks. Peaches, on the other hand, is still enjoying the company of her beau, Francis Drake.
- I’m getting itchy for adventure but I don’t know what to do about it. Perhaps Paris? I do so miss the chocolate croissants. I wonder what Mom would say?
- Waffles had a dead beetle stuck to her fluffy bits. I pulled it off. She bought me a frozen yogurt as thanks.
You are now up to date on the happenings of our flock. I must turn off my head lamp now. Sawyer just growled at me. This, from the hen who laid an egg so fragile, that it exploded all over her best friend… yours truly. Good thing I love her.