July 24, 2013 – Waffles came to me the other day for advice. She’s decided that she wants to be more than a backyard hen; she wants to be a standup comedienne. I have to admit she’s had me in hysterics a few times. The kid has some talent so I advised her to live out her dream. Tonight, we held our very first “Open Mike Comedy Night” in the chicken yard. I arranged for Waffles to go on last knowing she would be well received after what was sure to be a paltry display of humor by the rest of us. I figured it would be a good ego booster for her and get her off on the right foot. The first one up to the mike was Peaches. God love her. After tapping the microphone and adjusting its height three times, she leaned in far closer than was necessary and bellowed, “What’s the difference between chopped wood and pea soup?” The audience politely answered that they didn’t know. “Anyone can chop wood,” Peaches explained, “but I don’t know anyone who can pea soup!” Then she slapped her wing on her thigh, exploding in laughter. We chuckled just watching the fun she was having. Most of the civilian humor followed in a similar vein. From Betty came, “Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: “Funny, I smell carrots too”. From Tim, “A policeman sees a man weaving in traffic. He pulls him over and says, “Don’t you think it would be safer if you went home to finish making that basket?” The jokes were old, but the audience had warmed up nicely leading to Waffles’ big moment. When she entered the stage, the applause was deafening. With only a stool and a glass of water she entertained us for twenty minutes. Her entire set was a parody of life with all of us. She nailed her impersonations of Charlotte and Violet exchanging gossip, and of Wilma, whacking nonsensical hens on the back of the head. She ended by recalling a cellphone conversation between Wilma and Sawyer and I the night we “borrowed” Mom’s car in order to get to a drive-in theatre. “Get back here, you two!” Wilma demanded. “Haven’t you heard? The radio says there’s a madman driving on the wrong side of the highway!” “We know,” we replied, “but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!” Yup; with us as material, Waffles has a very long future in comedy.
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