September 14, 2013 – We had a group meeting today. A majority of the ladies think it would be a splendid idea to increase the revenue coming into our flock. The younger hens would like to purchase a few items of interest. Our little pullets, for example, would like to invite Mary Poppins to come live with them. I explained to the foursome, that Mary is a fictional character, but promised that I would see about buying them a stuffed nanny and maybe an umbrella. Waffles is looking for a new sound system for her standup act; Peaches needs a new pencil, and Wilma and the older Orpingtons would like to stash a few dollars away for retirement. Something about a condominium in Tahiti, I heard them say. We all agree that bringing in a few extra dollars would be a useful endeavor. How we accomplish this, is the question. Selling our eggs is off the table, since we give them to Mom for nothing, and wouldn’t change that arrangement for anything. Addie suggested asking Mom for an allowance. That might work. Charlotte suggested that the group put on another hootenanny talent show, but this time charge admission; a plausible idea, but nothing that will sustain us long term. I suggested that we develop our moonshining operation to extend beyond barnyard use and mass produce to the general public. “We can sell bottles over the Internet!” I proclaimed. Betty asked if this was illegal. “Not for chickens,” I replied. Tim suggested that we include a microbrewery division, and received an enthusiastic vote of support. Sawyer asked about a wine line, but we all agreed that we would eat the grapes long before they ever made it to the barrel. (Though stomping on them would have been great fun!) A couple of the older hens thought this new family venture might set a bad example for the pullets, but we assured them it would all be above board and the pullets would suffer no ill effects. A vote was taken and passed unanimously. We’ve already begun drawing up blueprints for a manufacturing center deep in the woods behind our chicken yard. Emaline and Violet, (both skillful welders), start work tomorrow on a shiny new copper still. Bo and Tim are building an enormous steel fermenter. Peaches and Sawyer are calling distributors for corn, sugar, yeast, malt, barley, and other ingredients we’ll need. It will be all hands on deck to clear a space for the new setup. I am the science behind the recipes. I’ll be responsible for knowing how many parts of each ingredient get added to the mixtures and when. I think we may be on to something incredible!
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