January 25, 2014 – I took a short stroll to pick up the mail today. There was nothing of interest in the pile that I left on the front porch for Mom, except for a flashy postcard from a local hair salon. Among other deals, it boldly headlined the offering: “Free Wax”. Who couldn’t use wax? Especially if they’re giving it away! With a decent size block, I can easily whip up a dozen or so emergency candles.
I asked around the chicken yard to see if anyone was up for a walk into town with me. Betty jumped at the chance. Waffles has been getting on her nerves with knock-knock jokes.
It didn’t take long for us to reach Sue’s Hair and Nail Salon. A nice, young woman named Dawn, peered over the edge of the service counter and asked, “How can I help you ladies today?”
“We’re here for the free wax!” I answered cheerfully.
She asked us to take a seat while she checked on something out back. “I wonder if we should have brought the wagon,” Betty mused. I was thinking the exact same thought when Dawn signaled us deeper into the salon. We marched in a line past two women getting their hair washed, and one with alligator shoes under the dome dryer getting hers, dehydrated. We overheard chatty conversations between customers and stylists who volleyed bits of gossip as piles of hair with damaged ends fell to the floor under the “snip, snip, snip” of professional scissors. It was so distracting, that I almost walked into the wall!
Dawn led us into a small room that had a hospital bed and a poster of Leonardo DiCaprio taped to the ceiling. Strange place to store wax, I thought to myself. I sat on a red stool with wheels and Betty hopped up onto the bed while we waited for the person who hands out the wax to show up. Dawn gave us each a glass of wine before informing us that she would check back later.
“What a delightful shop!” I commented out loud to myself while Betty flipped through a celebrity magazine. Free wax AND an adult beverage! That was the last pleasant thought I had before tearing out of the place with Betty in tow. They weren’t giving out free wax at all! They were luring in unsuspecting individuals so they could perform horrific experiments on them! The wax was molten, bubbling up in a stainless steel vat! A technician in a white lab coat with zebra striped fingernails, tried to scald us with a tongue depressor dipped in liquefied candles! It was barbaric! Betty lost two tail feathers scrambling to get off the table in a frantic attempt to escape!
I didn’t hear anything on our race out of the salon. I had Betty by the wing and we sprinted with lightning speed over snowbanks and stop signs until we made it back home. Suddenly, Betty wasn’t so opposed to relaxing in the henhouse listening to Waffles’ standup act. I told the others about our ordeal and they were livid! I had to talk Wilma and Bo out of going to Sue’s Freaky Hair Salon and causing a stink. Tomorrow, I’m going to call the authorities and turn the place in. Right now, I need something to calm my frazzled nerves. Lasagna sounds good.