March 5, 2014 – We had snow showers but it didn’t stop me from walking up to the house to have a talk with Mom. I wanted to get a feel for her schedule today, so Sawyer and I could sneak out in the van. We need to build up the road hours if we’re going to take our driver’s license exam later this month.
I cupped my wings against the office window and looked inside. Mom was nowhere in sight. Hmmm. I hopped up the front steps and knocked on the door. No answer. I looked back in the driveway and saw that the van was still parked in front of the garage. Where could she be? I wondered.
I was on my belly trying to look under the threshold, when my shoulder bumped the door and it opened. What do you know! This is my lucky day! I brushed myself off and let myself in. The house was very quiet. Chowdah was sound asleep on his dog bed in the den. He looked so peaceful that I didn’t have the heart to wake him. I tiptoed from room to room thinking I would bump into Mom at any minute, but it never happened. I stepped on a stray sock in the hallway that caused my legs to slip out from under me. Good thing I can flap my wings quickly or I’d have “Kiss the Chef” tattooed on my forehead. That’s the sign I fell into when I stumbled against the kitchen wall. Astonishingly, Willow and Sadie – who were napping nearby, didn’t hear the commotion and snoozed on contentedly.
For a brief moment, I felt panic in my belly. What is going on here? Had someone drugged the dogs?! Did someone take Mom?!! Is the cat involved?! I was about to call in the rest of the flock for backup, when I heard what sounded like running water coming from an upstairs room. I flew up the carpeted steps, poking my head through every door until I found the one from which the sound was coming. The bathroom! I could tell by the bright singing that Mom was in the shower. It was the perfect place to speak to her uninterrupted.
The room was filled with heat and steam as I started my approach. This is going to curl my feathers for sure, I thought, before plopping a plastic shower cap on my head and pulling back the curtain barely enough to step inside the tub. I was directly behind Mom. I was going to tap her on the leg and say hello, but the faucet was hurling sheets of rain into my face and I couldn’t open my mouth to speak. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I was thirsty, so I licked a few droplets of water from the back of her leg.
OH, MY EVER-LOVING PICCOLO! She let out a screech so piercing, that it blew me back against the tub wall where I was instantly struck in the head by a hurled, teak-handled scrub brush.
All three dogs started barking frantically. I thought my ears were going to explode. I had a headache that threatened to split my skull in half, and I hadn’t yet uttered a sound. Perhaps seeing me in a shower cap was too much for Mom to handle. She wrapped herself in the vinyl curtain and slammed the knob, abruptly stopping the water from flowing. I felt woozy.
“HAPPY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE SHOWER?!”
Please stop yelling, I pleaded to her inside my head. This was the last thought I had before passing out cold, face down in the drink.
When I came to, Mom was dressed and hovering over my body, which – at some point during my cognitive absence, had been moved to the living room couch. A cold compress dulled the pounding ache in my temples while the heft of a quilted comforter warmed my beaten bones. I looked up and saw a sea of familiar faces… the dogs, the kitten, and all of the chickens. Oh boy, I must be in bad shape.
Sawyer read my mind. “You’re fine,” she said quietly. “…It’s just a bump on the head.”
There it was. I was going to live. This was going to set me back a few days with the practice driving, but on the upside, I found out that Mom is going to be home until the weekend. She’s keeping me in the house tonight for observation, and then it’s back with the crew tomorrow. Sawyer is going to stay with me. I hope my headache goes away soon. I hear there’s a Housewives of New Jersey marathon on tonight and we’re dying to see it.