April 10, 2014 – Mom came to get me today. I guess my poster worked. She invited me in for raspberry scones and lavender tea. Lovely of her! I was content and relaxed when she leaned over the kitchen table and began.
“O.k. Hap. What’s going on? What is so important that you need to make an appointment?”
Suddenly, I had the urge for something stronger – perhaps a cup of Red Rose? But Mom held her gaze and it was now or never.
“Well… first of all I promised to keep you informed when we got the brewery up and running. We have. These are our projected sales for spring,” I pulled out the chart Violet had drawn for me last night with brightly colored markers.
“As you can see by the line colored in green,” I continued nervously, “we’re on track to do quite well this year. Our brand is really taking off. Oh, and the new building was raised a few days ago with the help of Mrs. Turner’s animals and a group of beavers from Nova Scotia.”
Mom’s head was tilted to the side as if she didn’t quite understand what I was saying to her. I was tempted to stop, but as the saying goes, in for a penny, in for a pound.
“Two days ago, Sawyer and I borrowed the convertible. We drove to the New Hampshire Department of Motor Vehicles – I didn’t even know such a place existed until I thought about getting a license and went to the library to find out how to go about doing so. Did you know the librarian is afraid of hens? She is. Poor thing has a ghastly phobia. Anyway, she directed us to the DMV. I made an appointment. Sawyer and I studied diligently for the written exam and well, we were already pretty good drivers. Not just from the Vespa, but from taking your van out on several occasions. Once to deliver moonshine to Pauline’s Crab Shack and Ballroom Dance Emporium and once to Mrs. Turner’s farm. I had the jitters that night and Sawyer had to drive home. She’s a very good driver. And then there was the day we took the convertible out for the first time and I hit the roof release button by mistake. I thought I had killed Sawyer, but she was fine. She had on her colander helmet and goggles and landed on her feet. We passed the test by the way. The road trip was a cinch, but since it takes two of us to operate a vehicle, both of our pictures are on the same license. We have to drive together until we get a vehicle modified for chickens that passes a DMV inspection. Did you know you can flunk the written test if you color outside the lines? Sawyer is excited because we can now make deliveries in the beer truck – which we don’t have yet if you’re wondering. We should look into that. Solely as a business expense, mind you. The modified car would be for pleasure. Whew.”
I leaned back in my chair and waited for Mom to respond. Then I heard a chirp.
“What’s that?” I asked spinning in my seat.
“Ducklings,” Mom replied. “We picked up three of them last night.”
“Oh, I’ve wanted ducks!!” I exclaimed clapping my wings. “This means we’ll be getting a pool!! I was hoping for baby goats since Sawyer and I already promised each other one as a birthday present, but ducklings will do!”
I hopped onto the counter and peered into the brooder that Mom had temporarily set up on the counter. “They’re adorable,” I gushed, but Mom did not return the enthusiasm. I turned to see her still sitting at the table, eyebrows raised in my direction. Ah, snake poop. She signaled for me to rejoin her. I dutifully obliged.
I watched her rub her face with her hands before slowly lifting her eyes over her fingers and shake her head. Oh boy, why didn’t I bring Sawyer with me?
“Thank you for filling me in. You’ve given me a lot of information to process. Aside from what you’ve told me, is everybody safe and healthy? Is any chicken expecting to be taken away in handcuffs or waiting for a government agency – any one, to drop by with a warrant?
“Yes, the flock is fit as fiddles; no – we aren’t expecting any visits from anyone. It’s all above board. That’s not to say someone won’t change the laws to prohibit chickens from driving or making an honest living in potent potables in the future, but as of today, we’re thriving.”
Mom listened and nodded.
“Alright then. I’ll check out the brewery later today and I’ll get back to you when I have something more to say about everything else you told me.”
I would have felt more at ease if she hadn’t said the last bit. But then Mom said that she’d be bringing us peanuts today so we’d have them for the ballgame tonight. She knows how much we love baseball. I hugged her around the legs with all my might. This must have touched her deeply. She swooped me into her arms, looked me square in the eyes and said, “Happy, you are one remarkable hen. I knew you were special from the first pip you made in the egg.”
I do believe there was a tear in my eye as I waddled back to the chicken run with a bowl full of grapes. Mom should be looking for them just about now.