June 7, 2014 –I haven’t been able to locate my sunglasses since we got back from our trip and the girl’s and I have plans to set up the beach chairs in the run this afternoon. So I walked up to the driveway and started poking around in Mom’s van looking for them. I did not find my purple Ray Bans at first, but I did uncover a handful of unusual items that I have claimed as my own and will now store in our cobalt blue, 1955 Dodge delivery pickup truck, fully restored. I made an itemized list of newly “acquired” accouterments just in case Mom makes a legal issue over the missing objects. (If I seem a little jumpy, blame it on Dumpling Longfeather!)
Here is the statement. I left one copy in Mom’s glove compartment and kept the other for my own records.
To whom it may concern:
The following items were left bandied about in the family van, and considered by me to be officially discarded. I have rescued them as a Good Samaritan and should therefore have no criminal charges filed against me in a court of law if said items are ever found on my person or in my truck.
- One round, plastic-wrapped peppermint candy with a hint of spice, half-licked. (That’s how I know there’s a hint of spice.)
- One plastic solar dancing girl. (I intend to stick her on my dashboard so she can entertain us in the traditional island storytelling craft of hula.)
- A paper menu to a pizza joint called, A Slice of Vinnie. (Actually, I may toss this one. It sounds way too violent. If that’s how they make their pizza, they can fuhgeddaboudit!)
- An invitation to the lovely seaside wedding of Avery and Daniel. (I don’t know them, but it sounds like they’ll be serving lobster, so I’m in. Hens are very wedding friendly. Where do you think humans got the Chicken Dance?! You’re welcome.) Ooh – I need to RSVP by Tuesday.
- One half-filled tube of ultra-strength muscle rub. (Oh, the possibilities!)
- Two dog biscuits, liver flavored.
- A ticket stub to the movie, Frozen. (Which reminds me – I need to pick up ice for the blender. Sawyer wants to mix up a batch of frozen strawberry daiquiris.)
- A paperclip in the shape of a frog.
- A brand new tube of Burt’s Bees nourishing lip balm with mango butter. While it is true that I don’t have lips, I do love both mango and butter, so seizing this little nugget was a no brainer.
- A new roll of stamps.
- A CD of the Bee Gees greatest hits. I don’t know who the Bee Gees are, but I am fond of the buzzing sound our bumbles make in the flower garden, so I’m sure I’ll enjoy this.
- A $2 golden token imprinted with an elephant on one side and a cruise boat on the other. I don’t know at what establishment this token is considered legal tender, but when I find out, I’m going there and hopefully enjoy a long anticipated elephant ride. If the elephant is piloting a boat – even better!
I also found an empty plastic bag which I used to carry my newest treasures. When I was putting in the lip balm, it fell to the floor and rolled under the seat. I got on my belly to reach for it and that’s when I found my sunglasses. It was a grand win for me all the way around. I can’t wait to show the girls!