July 22, 2014 – Yesterday, Sawyer voiced her uneasiness over heading into Boston to shoot an episode of the Family Feud. I attempted to ease her worries by assuring her that everything would work out fine. Sakes alive, was that statement ever true! I received a call early this morning from the casting director that the trip to Boston was going to be delayed a month due to a strike by the food service people. Evidently, the show doesn’t happen if the crew can’t eat. I can appreciate that as I was very much looking forward to perusing the complimentary lunch buffet. Oh well. I put the new date in my calendar and informed the rest of the team of the postponement.
Rather than waste the day, I decided that we should use the extra time to prepare Sawyer for her television debut. She needs to relax or she’s going to freeze when we finally do get to play for $20,000 and a brand new car. I heard about this successful approach in lessening anxiety called hypnosis, and went about setting up a session for poor, rattled Sawyer. I asked Peaches to be my assistant and film the process. I planned on submitting the results to Poultry Sciencetifica magazine depending on how well Sawyer responded.
We first had her sit in a nest box and get comfortable. It was extremely hot and humid today, so I tossed a wet facecloth over her head to keep her relaxed. I had to wait for the water to stop dripping into her eyes before I could start the experiment. When she was ready, I pulled out a pocket watch that I found in a recycling bin three houses down. It doesn’t keep time, but it’s a dandy for hypnosis.
“You’re getting sleepy,” I announced swinging the watch to and fro like a pendulum in front of Sawyer’s face. “Keep your eye on the clock and feel the heaviness settle into your bones. You’re eyelids are like bags of sand. You are getting drowsy… drowsier… you are the drowsiest chicken on the planet…”
Peaches leaned in and poked Sawyer gently in the head. She didn’t stir.
I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Can you hear me…?” She was dead as a rock.
I tried the other ear. “Can you hear me now?”
All we heard in return were the restful breaths of a hen deep in sleep.
“I guess your powers as a hypnotist are too strong for the average hen,” Peaches surmised.
“I think you’re right,” I agreed, amazed at my own ability.
“Should we do the snapping thing and count back from five so she wakes up?” Peaches asked.
“Nah,” I laughed looking down at the pocket watch. “We’ll let her sleep.”
Peaches adjusted the wet face cloth on the head of our best friend before we tiptoed out of the coop. We decided to go to the garage and chill down from the heat. On the way there, I tossed the pocket watch into the trash barrel. If I can’t harness my powers, I shouldn’t mess with the tools of the trade. Lesson learned.