October 5, 2014 – I was walking around the yard today looking for something to do when I discovered that Mom had dropped a plastic grocery bag in the driveway. I was going to yell out to her and tell her what I found, but she was over by the bantam pullets and I didn’t feel like screaming. She must have dropped the bag last night when she was carrying in her other bundles. I bet she doesn’t even know it’s missing.
Who wouldn’t be inquisitive as to what was inside? I pulled open the handles and peered into the satchel. Three items sat forgotten and motionless at the bottom like the abandoned toys of Misfit Island. A large plastic bottle labeled Fish Oil. I wonder how many fish you have to squeeze to fill 200 capsules? I used to think nothing about fish, but now they have my respect. I thought egg laying was an accomplishment, but this feat of theirs is truly impressive. I wonder why Mom uses them? Wouldn’t it be easier to keep an aquarium in the bedroom and lick the same fish every day? I should tell her that. I bet I could save her a lot of money.
The second item was a tube of lip balm with pomegranate oil. Again with the liquids. I’m not sure what a pomegranate is, but if it lives in the ocean with the fish, it must stink. I tossed it back in the bag.
The third item I found the most interesting. It was a 6 ounce pouch of surf-flavored cat treats. Ah ha! So this is what felines nibble on when they’re kicking back doing nothing! I looked up to see if Sugar Plum was peering at me from her perch in the window. Nothing. I walked around to the other side of the van so no one could see me and gently tore off the top of the crinkly bag. Interesting smells lifted upwards, swirling in a culinary assault against my senses. Shrimp, tuna and crab. I tasted one. It was crunchy and a bit savory. Not bad, but certainly nowhere near the taste of the succulent lobster rolls we chickens enjoy. I continued to sample the feline treats as I read the description on the back of the package. This particular variety helps with hairballs. Good Lord! What is a hairball?! The very thought made my stomach flinch and heave. I desperately tried to wipe every last trace of crumble from my beak, but I had already ingested at least a dozen. I cursed my heightened sense of curiosity.
I’ve since settled back into Coop #3, diligently drinking a potent batch of Epsom salt tea. Sawyer has noticed the panicked look on my face and is convinced I’ve come down with a new strain of avian flu. Just wait until I wake up tomorrow and she sees the hairball that’s bloomed off the top of my head! This is why I hate cats!!