January 25, 2015 – I was sitting on my thinking log contemplating what to have for lunch, when I heard a muffled voice coming from the tin-can phone that was dangling from a nearby string.
“Mmmyellow! This is Happy. How may I help you?”
“Something is wrong! Something is terribly wrong! We can feel it in our feet! Big storm’s a brewin’. What to do?!! WHAT TO DO?!!!”
“Who is this?” I asked, mildly intrigued.
“Eustace Drake… the Pekin from the duck house on the hill? We had lunch together yesterday. You said to call if we ever needed anything..?”
“Oh, Eustace!” I replied hopping off my log. “How are things in your neck of the side yard?”
“It’s not right! None of it is right! The sky is changing. It’s CHANGING!! A big storm is headed our way. I don’t like blizzards. Not at all. Nope. I don’t like them one bit. We could be holed up for days!! What to do? WHAT TO DO?!!!”
“Calm down, Aquaman! First things first. Do you have bread and milk?”
“For what purpose?” he inquired.
“I have no idea,” I answered. “I only know that it’s listed in my book of storm preparedness as a necessity. How about gas in the tank? Do you boys have that? We hens have plenty of gas here, but then you’ve met Wilma.”
Eustace was not amused.
“The weatherman is predicting 2 feet of snow!! TWO FEET!!”
“Eustace,” I said in the voice I reserve for meditation, “Look down. What do you see?”
“I see two feet,” his voice trembled.
“Exactly. And would you categorize your feet as catastrophic? Can they stamp out tiny hamlets and forest fires? Do small rodents base the number of remaining winter days on their shadow?”
“Ugh… er…. No. I don’t think so, anyway.”
“Alrighty then. Yes, we are getting snow. A good amount. But Mom is going to make sure we stay safe like she always does. This means our paths get shoveled, our meals get brought to us, our water is fresh and tasty and our beds are dry and warm. Don’t worry so much.”
“But what if there is so much snow that Mom can’t get to us?”
“Have you seen her?” I snickered. “I may not be a mathematician, but I know for certain that she’s over 2 feet tall. In fact, I’ve heard the parakeets refer to her as, “The Lovely Giant. Then again, everything is huge to those wee things.”
“What about wind and loss of power?”
“A can of beans and a protein bar will solve that issue lickety split. Besides… we’re right down the hill. I have a snorkel jacket, a head lamp, and enough mealworm jerky to see us through ’til Valentine’s Day. It’ll all be fine! In fact, I’ll be so bold as to invite myself to your place for lunch on Wednesday.”
An awkward silence followed. I thought it was the phone and gave it a good slap on the bottom.
“Eustace? Are you still there?”
“Oh, sorry about that Happy. I was checking our cupboard. How about a bowl of split-pea soup on Wednesday?”
I could tell the handsome duck had turned the corner. Another crisis averted. I had pulled Eustace Drake back from the edge.
“Sounds divine!” I gushed. “See you then! Remember… if you need me, I’m only a tin-can call away.”
Eustace was most appreciative and thanked me extensively before ending the conversation. As soon as the line went dead, I dropped the phone and shuddered.
“What’s up?” asked Sawyer, passing by on her way to a cucumber peel.
“Blizzard. Two feet of snow. We’re screwed.”
We’ve been prepping for the storm ever since. I sent Mom a note asking her if she knew what was about to transpire in the next 24-48 hours. Yes, was her reply. I asked if she had bread and milk and if she had gas in the tank. She answered, “Indeed”. Then I asked her if I could sleep in her bed until the blizzard passes and if Coop #3 might have a puppy. I have yet to hear back.
Thankfully, we’ve been through this before. I may not have access to the Internet for the next couple of days, but I have a feeling that I’m going to have lots of stories to tell when I get back online.