February 17, 2015 – I have been very busy over the last several days preparing for what is sure to be a humdinger of a debate between me and Eunice, as we battle for the one open seat for library trustee. It all goes down later tonight at the town hall, broadcasted on local access television. Fortunately, I have a brilliant team of supporters who have worked diligently to whip me into tip-top political shape.
Each night, a panel of flockmates hurled provocative questions at me in rapid fire succession while a different group of hens reviewed my answers and offered suggestions. For instance, during Monday’s practice, Violet demanded to know if elected, would I do away with subject categories and instead simply alphabetize the entire collection of books.
“What?” I replied, cocking my head.
“BZZZZZZZZ!!!!” Wilma slammed her wing on the red buzzer we got at Staples and hollered, “WRONG! SHOWS INDECISIVENESS!”
I was jumpy in the beginning, but after a few rounds of intense questioning I was barely flinching at all. Then, Addie stood beside me, pretending to be Eunice. She stared and scowled and pursed her beak whenever I tried to make a point. She interjected, snickered, and started preening her fluffy bits as I delivered what would be my closing statement. I found it very distracting, but each time my thoughts began to wander, Wilma would hit that dagblasted buzzer and I was back on task.
After the mock debate, we feasted on cucumber and raisin sandwiches and hot lemon tea. Sawyer is saving the sweets for the after party. She said that too much sugar might cause me to behave erratically on stage. (I’m tempted to have a donut simply to test her theory!)
I’m ready for Eunice, but she’s shifty. I won’t know how dirty she’ll fight until the red lights flick on over the television cameras, but I vow to remain graceful and on topic regardless of the shenanigans Eunice employs. Please, oh, Lord! Don’t let that woman scream and carry on when she sees me step behind the podium like she has when she’s spotted me in the past. That would surely rattle me more than sugar ever could.
Two hours to go. Wish me luck!